Hello and Goodbye

The Pentagon loves a good farewell. Quite a few of the top dogs at the US Department of Defense have been skipping off into retirement recently, and before they go, they like to do the rounds of farewells. Nothing unusual in that. But here in the US of A, it’s on a much grander scale and it generally includes a formal farewell party with the Pentagon Press Corps. Now that is unusual. In one case this week there was even a formal party with the  press for someone who is leaving his top job (goodbye) but then  moving down the corridor 200 yards to take up another job inside the Pentagon (hello). First of all, let’s look at Admiral Mike Mullen, Chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff for the last four years, both in the Bush and Obama era. He’s a doughty fighter and has been making much loud music recently about the dastardly Pakistanis whose intelligence service called the ISI he described as being the “veritable arm” of the Haqqani terrorist network which is now seen as the most deadly of the insurgent groups operating in Afghanistan. Anyway, Chairman Mullen retires tomorrow (Sep 30) and two days ago he appeared in the Pentagon press briefing room for a knees-up farewell.

Well, that’s what I thought it was going to be. But actually it was the most sycophantic display of oh thank you Admiral for being so nice to the press stuff that I could ever have imagined. Heavyweights from CNN, CBS, the Washington Post etc all stood up to make speeches to say how wonderful Mullen had been. The CNN lady, a heavy-duty, no nonsense, speak it like it is, I want answers to my important questions sort of reporter, spent ten minutes praising, not Admiral Mullen, but Mrs Mullen, for her work with service families. Now nothing wrong with that per se but she went on and on saying how amazing she was until the embarrassment pips squeaked. It was a total reversal of her usual deadpan blunt questioning of Pentagon officials. The other dudes followed suit telling us all what an experience it had been travelling with the admiral on his various shouting matches with the Pakistanis, and how appreciative they had been when the admiral had returned from a trip and had told them everything they needed to know on the phone on background. The admiral’s press spokesman gave a “what the hell….” type of look, realising that his boss had gone behind his back to speak to the press over the last four years. Actually he probably only spoke to the giants of the US media world. Little old me hardly got to know him. But then I’m just a Brit working for a paper he’s probably never heard of. A paper incidentally that is older than America itself.

The final offering came from the lovely guy from NBC who recounted how he once travelled in the back of one of those VIP black super-chunky SUVs on a foreign trip and there were crowds gathering at the place where he was due to visit. Speaking quietly to himself before opening the door and exiting the SUV, Admiral Mullen muttered:”I am a rock star!” Well, quite. After the speeches were over, everyone had to queue up to have their picture taken shaking the great admiral by the hand. The picture will soon be adorning my wall, along with the one of me shaking the hand of Robert Gates, the exceptionally fine (whoops, I’m doing it now) US Defence Secretary who retired in July.

So farewell Admiral Mullen and your CNN-adored wife. Have a lovely retirement. Next week there’s a hello ceremony. General Martin Dempsey, the new Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, is holding court before the Pentagon Press Corps. Hopefully, there’ll be no cause for long flattering speeches by reporters who at some stage in his climb to the top shared a helicopter/armoured vehicle/Jacuzzi with the general. But I’m not counting on it.

Storm in a Tea Party

America is a crazy place. Everything is on a different scale, especially its weather and its politicians. An earthquake and a hurricane in one week is going it a bit. The earthquake was like being at a fairground and riding a moving floor. I was on the 4th floor of the National Press Building where The Times is housed and everything moved after an initial rumble. I was aware that everyone in my office rushed to take shelter in a doorway, apparently that's what you are supposed to do. I just ducked under my desk. It's an old habit. When bombs and mortar rockets get thrown around I tend to duck under something, and I was reminded of an occasion in 2006 when I was in Basra in southern Iraq and was on my way to interview the British brigade commander in his office at HQ when three mortar rockets landed about 100ft away with mighty explosions. I ducked somewhere for a bit, then emerged unscathed and continued my way to the brigadier's office. I entered the office and a very flustered secretary asked me to wait because she thought her boss was probably still under his desk. When I went in he was actually emerging from under, looking a bit sheepish. So ducking under the desk is a sort of old tactic.

Well, I was under my desk, but thousands of Washingtonians headed for outside and crowded round in bemused groups. Apparently all the animals in the DC zoo knew it was coming. They all started to head for safety minutes before the earth quaked and those animals who could climb trees climbed trees. You humans, you have no idea! The hurricane was a bit of a damp squib in DC but you've never seen such panic buying. Every torch ever made had gone from the shelves. Americans do what is called "hurricane prep", ie prepare for the onrush of wind and rain and that means buying up bottled water, bread, milk, torches, batteries etc. We Brits are a bit cooler about weather. Ok we don't have too many extremes, but one thing we do know in good old Blighty is that you should never believe what the weather forecasters say. Right?

As for politics, the Republican candidates for ousting Obama are now pretty well lined up although I think there may still be a surprise or two, perhaps Mel Gibson or Charlie Sheen or maybe Piers Morgan? Just kidding. Piers by the way is a dead flop over here on tele. He's dreadful, smarmy, and so full of himself. Well he always was. The Republican candidates are all either scary, boring or both. But politics being the way it is in the US of A anyone of them could make it to the White House. Rick Perry is like George W Bush but seriously nutty, has a thing about gay scoutmasters (against not for), Mitt Romney is supposed to be the businessman's man but sends everyone to sleep he's so lacking in charisma, Michele Bachmann is 5ft but makes up for lack of height with extreme right wing views, the rest are also rans and don't get me started on Palin, Sarah not Michael. If she runs for President and by some quirk of fate gets to the White House, we're all doomed. This is a superpower nation but thanks to the great American Dream a moose-eating cookie who doesn't know that Lithuania is a country can end up the President. My money is on Obama squeezing it for another four years. If he can persuade Scarlet Johansson to be his Vice-President he'd be a sure bet. Sorry, I quite like Scarlett Johansson. But it's not out of the question, not in the US of A!