Americans are very polite, very careful, very obliging when confronted with verbal diarrhoea from the person sitting next to them on the Metro/bus, and in Washington, always labelled. You just don't see anyone walking the streets without an identity wonga flapping around their belly or attached to their chests, unless of course they're tourists from Ohio, Alberqueque, Florida or name your town/state in which case they have no labels other than the statutory tourist US garb, shorts and tops for both men and women, the women often in very short shorts never mind the legs, and they never know exactly where they're going and always have to ask someone with an identity label sitting or standing on the Metro whether they get off at Metro Center, Foggy Bottom or Faragut West to visit the Spy Museum/National Portrait Gallery/White House/nearest McDonalds etc.
Tourists and labelled Washington staffers thrown together, the latter buried in their BlackBerrys and I-Pads and the tourists just wanting to chatter about everything. Here's one I listened to the other day: "A'm fraam Ohio, me and ma hursband Chuck, that's heem over therr, he comes fraam Nebraska and has a seester still living therr, she's never been to Warrshington though we've tried to persuade herr but it's her leegs, her carsin jerst hates Warrshington, says it's full of wonks and people eatin salads but I don't think that's true we had a good chile harttdarg in Clarendon but now we're off to the Spy Mooseum but don't know whether it's near the White House or not, we'd like to do both in one day, ma leegs are ok but Chuck has a prarblem with you know whaat, no not his leegs, his you know whaat, isn't that right, Chuck, you can't go for too larng without, hmm, visitin... so we have to time it, and I reckon we can do the Spy Museum, they'll have rest rooms and then we can go to the White House which I guess won't have rest rooms, at least not ones we can use, this Obaama hasn't done murch has he, I mean he prarmised change and Ohio looks just the same to me and Chuck says Nebraska hasn't changed either. It's another reason why his seester won't think of comin to Warrshington. She blames Obama for her leegs, she can't get Medicare to do anythin, they say they don't do leegs, not under Obamacare, which seems kinda unfair, but we're lookin forrard to seeing the Spy Mooseum, is Obama in the White House, I'd like to see the darg, we have a darg, we're only here for three days."
The polite bit comes on the oddest of occasions. Waiting at a Pentagon lift to take me to the 4th floor, a uniformed chappie steps out of the lift and says: "Excuse me." I wasn't anywhere near him. Walking down the long corridor towards Room 4E800 on the 4th floor, another uniformed bloke comes out of his office. "Excuse me." I'd already passed him when he said it. Robert Gates, Defence Secretary and former CIA Director, says "Yes Sir" when pointing at me to ask a question at a press conference. I like that. A bit of respect. Pestering the CIA to meet me for lunch, a representative replies: "I'm so sorry we haven't yet managed a date, thank you for your patience, if our two countries succeeded in launching Operation Overlord together I'm sure we can arrange a lunch in due course." I replied, heading the email: Operation Overlunch.
Another incident on The Bus - ie my bus(not the Old Town trolley) that takes me from the bottom of King Street, Old Town, Alexandria, up to the Metro. Hey, it's a long walk! Bus stops to let on a big guy in a wheelchair. It's an elaborate process. The driver presses a button and a special lift is lowered to the pavement, the wheelchair guy backs into it, it shunts upwards and then he has to reverse into the bus towards the ticket machine which requires $1.50 to be inserted into a slot. But of course he is facing outwards with his back to the machine. I'm afraid we all watched as he struggled to insert the relevant money by twisting painfully round, but after a few attempts he gave up, stood up, turned round, threw the money into the receptacle and sat down again. "It's a miracle!" we all cried.
Tourists and labelled Washington staffers thrown together, the latter buried in their BlackBerrys and I-Pads and the tourists just wanting to chatter about everything. Here's one I listened to the other day: "A'm fraam Ohio, me and ma hursband Chuck, that's heem over therr, he comes fraam Nebraska and has a seester still living therr, she's never been to Warrshington though we've tried to persuade herr but it's her leegs, her carsin jerst hates Warrshington, says it's full of wonks and people eatin salads but I don't think that's true we had a good chile harttdarg in Clarendon but now we're off to the Spy Mooseum but don't know whether it's near the White House or not, we'd like to do both in one day, ma leegs are ok but Chuck has a prarblem with you know whaat, no not his leegs, his you know whaat, isn't that right, Chuck, you can't go for too larng without, hmm, visitin... so we have to time it, and I reckon we can do the Spy Museum, they'll have rest rooms and then we can go to the White House which I guess won't have rest rooms, at least not ones we can use, this Obaama hasn't done murch has he, I mean he prarmised change and Ohio looks just the same to me and Chuck says Nebraska hasn't changed either. It's another reason why his seester won't think of comin to Warrshington. She blames Obama for her leegs, she can't get Medicare to do anythin, they say they don't do leegs, not under Obamacare, which seems kinda unfair, but we're lookin forrard to seeing the Spy Mooseum, is Obama in the White House, I'd like to see the darg, we have a darg, we're only here for three days."
The polite bit comes on the oddest of occasions. Waiting at a Pentagon lift to take me to the 4th floor, a uniformed chappie steps out of the lift and says: "Excuse me." I wasn't anywhere near him. Walking down the long corridor towards Room 4E800 on the 4th floor, another uniformed bloke comes out of his office. "Excuse me." I'd already passed him when he said it. Robert Gates, Defence Secretary and former CIA Director, says "Yes Sir" when pointing at me to ask a question at a press conference. I like that. A bit of respect. Pestering the CIA to meet me for lunch, a representative replies: "I'm so sorry we haven't yet managed a date, thank you for your patience, if our two countries succeeded in launching Operation Overlord together I'm sure we can arrange a lunch in due course." I replied, heading the email: Operation Overlunch.
Another incident on The Bus - ie my bus(not the Old Town trolley) that takes me from the bottom of King Street, Old Town, Alexandria, up to the Metro. Hey, it's a long walk! Bus stops to let on a big guy in a wheelchair. It's an elaborate process. The driver presses a button and a special lift is lowered to the pavement, the wheelchair guy backs into it, it shunts upwards and then he has to reverse into the bus towards the ticket machine which requires $1.50 to be inserted into a slot. But of course he is facing outwards with his back to the machine. I'm afraid we all watched as he struggled to insert the relevant money by twisting painfully round, but after a few attempts he gave up, stood up, turned round, threw the money into the receptacle and sat down again. "It's a miracle!" we all cried.
No trace of feefty bad just feeeefty good!!
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